Again I ask ... when is enough, ENOUGH?!

I don't know how much i can take this any longer.  I used to think I was lucky... that I had this really sweet guy to love.  But things aren't that simple.  Shit, to say that "it's complicated" even seems an understatement!

I am definitely NOT looking forward to any hate texts.  And most definitely NOT looking forward to more complications.  Why can i not just drop it and move on? Or more to the point, why can't I just drip him? I don't know.  I can't answer that.  Or maybe I just refuse to answer.

How can I trust someone who has been lying to me from the start? He says that he's ended things.  He says that it's me he's chosen... it's me he loves.  So why is she still harassing me?! Why all the harsh and hurtful words? He says he can't leave coz of the kids.  SHE won't leave for that same reason.  So what do i do now? What's the point if they both won't leave?! They might as well be married right?!

He says he understands me... why i feel this way.  But that I have to understand his situation too.  The thing is, i'm soooo tired of ALWAYS having to understand! I mean... if we end up together... married .. will I STILL have to put up with her?! Of course... she's the mother of the kids.  I have no choice.  Unless I choose NOT to end up with him.  So why can't I?

I don't understand why he allows her to do this to me.  That's what hurts.  That he allows her to hurt me... to bitch about me... to constantly put me on edge.. wondering when I'll next receive another hate text.

The latest message I received from her was a text message intended for him.  She sent it to me.  When I sent it to him, he acted like he didn't know what it meant.  Does that mean that she never sent it to him? She sent it to me specifically just coz she wanted to hurt me? Possible.  It's not beneath her to do that.  But everytime this happens, it just increases my doubts.  He tries to convince me that all she says is lies... but how can I believe him when he LIED to me in the first place?! He cannot reassure me.  He cannot get me to trust in him 100% while SHE'S STILL LIVING WITH HIM. He cannot expect me to do that.  I cannot accept it.  I wont accept it.

I'm going to take a break... from him. From us.  I think that's the best thing to do now.  Take a break and really think about things... about where this is going, where its going to end.  I cannot think clearly with him around.  Yes, i think I should take a break.  Maybe that way he'll realize too if i'm really worth it.

I'm 29.  I can't wait forever. I want a family. I want to get married, have children.  I cannot expect that from him now.  I don't know if I ever will.  So i'll take a break and think. 

I think that's the best thing to do right now... even if it hurts.