By this time my baby Liam would've been bron already...

He would've been the handsomest, cutest, sweetest baby in the nursery... for sure.

The first time i would lay my eyes on him would've been the bestest moment in my life.  This sweet little angel... all pink and cuddly... would've been mine.  Really and truly mine.

I planned to spend the first minutes with my baby alone.  Absolutely no one else in the room with me.  I would've told him that he was my dream... the one person i had been waiting for all my life..."pinakahihintay" ... "pinakamamahal"... the denoument of all my life's hopes.  I know i would've cried.  I'm sure i would've.  I'd smell him... savor his clean newborn scent.  I'd count his little fingers and toes... i'd pinch his little nose. I'd kiss his tummy and hold him close.  My little angel...

I know that everyone would've laughed at me... seeing me so emotional over my tiny baby.  But they would understand.  They would know that this little precious gift is all i've ever really wanted in life.

When it would be time to go home.. i know i would've made sure to check in on him always.  Never leave his side as much as possible.  And everytime i'd look at him... everytime i'de cradle him... i know i would've burst out crying again.  Oh how i love my little baby!! My love for him overwhelms me... brings me to tears all the time.

I know i would've been happy.  I know I would've been contented.  I know i would've been satisfied just having him.  I don't care if it would just be me and him.  I would'nt have minded.  Just me and baby... that would be all that mattered.

I wish I had my baby Liam.  I wish he were here with me now.  All the birthing pains i would've gone through would not have dulled my joy in my baby at any way. I wish i could've experienced that.

I miss Liam.  I never really had him... but I miss him sooooooo much. 

I love you baby....